Admin
YO! Just lettin' ya know that this event occurred in the past. So don't go planning your day around this one.

WHEN

Sat Apr 01 2017
11:30 AM - 11:55 PM

WHERE

The Getaway Bar and Grill
LaPorte City, IA

WHO

Promoted by Team Cornpone and Team Jet Fuel

Description

Party Ride

Distance - 24 miles

TRAIL CONDITION UPDATE! Thanks to the newer park ranger at McFarlane Park, Troy Petersen, the trail is in surprisingly good shape! But if you have a cross, mountain or fat bike, I'd bring it. Always more enjoyable than riding a road bike on a party ride on the trail, you know?

Wow! first time ever that this fun and crazy party ride lands on April 1st! You know the drill....24 mile round trip from the Getaway Bar and Grill in Laporte City to Phat's Pub and Grub in Brandon and back.... All on the scenic Cedar Valley Nature Trail! or low traffic highway route. Entertainment, TBD. You'll want your mountain or cross bike for the trail route and your road bike for the highway route. Watch perodic updates on trail conditions. This ride goes on no matter what Mother Nature throws at us! Hail, snow, rain,tsunmatis, tornadoes, locust plagues, brush fires... you get the idea!

Perennial Fools Ride Favorite,Bryce Janey gets the entertainment started with some foot stomping blues at Phat's in Brandon at 2:30....With music by Mitch later on! And you know you can count on some Crankin' classic rock back at the Getaway in La Porte! Regional favorites Furious George will be burning it down in the parking lot from 7:00 till? Don't forget your dancin' shoes!

This is a free event, of course! No registration or cover charge! but a limited supply of fools Ride Bandanans from Sporty Gregg's apparel! Be sure to blaze up in your blaze orange! (official ride color!) This event is open to everyone! Heck, come for the party and leave your bike at home if you wanna! you don't even need to own a bike!

Celebrity guests the year include, and back by popular demand... Our new President, donald trump. To quote the donald, This is my second Fool's Ride... What a fantastic, HUUUGE ride!  I'll be grabbing beers and grabbing.. welluhhhh.. you know... the whole way down the trail.. Everyone is welcome!...except Rosie O' Donnell, of course! In fact...Rosie is boycotting the ride this year anyway...but not in opposition to Trump, but because the town of Brandon won't let her use the big skillet to fry her B'fast. Apparently no go on Whoopi Goldberg either..as she is apparently making good on her threats to move to Canada... and was last seen hitchhiking north on HWY 218 several days before the inauguration.

Trump further added, "This my first party ride since being elected and i really need to let my hair down!"

The ever popular Kellyanne Conway, Donald's campaign mgr.. plans to bring her mobile make-up kiosk attached to a burley, for any ladies (or gents) wanting a mid-ride touch up. Kellyanne commented "some have said i have a rode-hard put-away-wet look...But i resent that! I have baskets and baskets of letters from various deplorables praising my fresh sense of style and polished, sophisticated look... I am eager to share my many beauty secrets with the riders!"

Hillary is coming outing of hiding for this ride! And her loyal husband too! But she is going to strap a GPs tracker on him before the ride! In fact, Bill Clinton will be hosting a beer bong competion at Buzzard's Quarry around 2:00! ...don't cannonball his cigar...you might even see Ted Kennedy riding solo on a tandem bike... caution, bridge ahead!

The Rockwood Motel has been purchased by the Trump Family of Companies and Ivanka has totally refurbished the rooms with granite countertops, brushed nickel fixtures, Brazillian hardwood floors and jacuzzi tubs. She even installed a Japanese love seat in the Honeymoon Suite!

Bernie Sanders is giving away free fat bikes and Camelbaks to the first 100 riders! He will also be hosting a free pre-ride Bloody Mary bar in LPC and Rumchata shots on the Cedar bridge! We all deserve a freebie or two now and then, right?

Anthony Weiner has time on his hands and will be hosting a photo shoot at the wildlife observation deck... but don't try and photo bomb him! He prefers to pose for pics solo.

Outgoing Prez Obama will be taking part in his first Fools Ride this year, stating I think Brandon would be an ideal town for my presidential Library... or maybe start up a trailside still.

And not to worry about safety.. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz will again be heading up Ride security... complete with metal detectors and full body cavity searches.


Links

Venue

The Getaway Bar and Grill

106 Commercial St.
LaPorte City, IA 50651
  MAP

Route

Registration

FREE! FREE! FREE!

Contact

Who Posted

1400   views

SHARE

Portals

Tag

Event

No comments have posted.

Leave a Comment

You must be signed in to leave a comment.